“… hi honey, it’s me. Are you busy?
Actually I was hoping you could hit the store near the office for me on your way home.
Yeah, I’m going over this recipe we talked about making together, the well-adjusted human?
Yes well we’ve got plenty of loving parents and intellectual stimulation,
And it won’t take much effort to whip up a batch of appreciation for beauty.
There’s that support network that our families brought around last Christmas, that stuff lasts forever.
And I have a bunch of open-mindedness that I’ve been saving just for this occasion.
We’ve got almost everything we need,
But we’re running really low on heroes…
…No I checked, we’ve run out of nearly all of them!
We just used the last of the John Glenn yesterday, and the B.B King has been finished for ages.
Someone took almost all of the Bowie earlier this year but didn’t say anything, and nobody knew until the container fell off the shelf.
And I thought we might have some Rickman or some Wilder or maybe even a small package of Natalie Cole, but even the Glenn Frey is gone…
… Well I don’t know what else we can use, really… I called all the local stores already.
The convenience store said they usually have plenty of Terry Wogan and Florence Henderson
But that even the Muhammad Ali shelf’s been empty for a while now and they’re not sure why?
The supermarket said there’s been a massive disruption in their supply chain,
So they haven’t had any Harper Lee, George Gaynes, George Martin or Jon English for ages.
And the gourmet store said that they had a limited line of Ronnie Corbett but once that ran out they weren’t able to order any more.
… I even tried to order some Leonard Cohen over the internet,
But the online tracking said my order was delivered on November 7th and I never saw it,
I think someone might have stolen it off the porch.
It’s so frustrating! My mother had so many good supplies when she used this recipe!
I mean sure, she ran outta Elvis, but she still had some John Lennon left,
Mother Theresa and Nelson Mandela were widely available
And you didn’t have to look for a specialist gourmet store to find Rosa Parks or Neil Armstrong!
… What’s that babe?
No I thought of that, unfortunately – the newer heroes just aren’t the same quality.
About the best I’ve found are Stephen Hawking, Malala Yousef, Desmond Tutu and the Dalai Lama - although that’s getting pretty old now.
Yeah I know they’re great but there’s just not enough by themselves.
… Gee I wish I still had some Sally Ride…
…Well if you can check for me that’d be great, hopefully you find something I haven’t thought of!
Otherwise, as much as I hate to say it, we may have to rethink this recipe for a while.
I know – I’m craving it as well, but if we don’t have all the ingredients we don’t know what it’ll come out like, and I for one don’t want a disaster…
… okay thanks, I’ll see you when you get home. Love you babe – good luck! Bye.”
Â© mjc 09 December 2016